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Mckenzie Wodtka
2024 Scholarship Winner
Attending Boise State University
Mckenzie’s Essay
Content warning: This post discusses suicidal feelings. If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, please contact the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Eyes. Something so familiar. But as you look in the mirror, you see something completely different than what you had used to see. The smile you used to wear daily has now faded, replaced by the look of utter disgust. “Have you ever heard of working out?” “You look like a pig” “Geez, I’m surprised you even still show your face in public.” The voices seem to just float around you, creeping into your ears as your nails bite into your skin. It’s not real, you try to tell yourself. But you don’t believe it. Maybe… Just maybe… They have a point. You start seeing yourself as a bundle of failures. You walk with your head hung low, slouching as though you can just hide from the comments. But every time you check your phone you see it.
The comments. Everyone always says they’re just low-lives living behind a screen. But what if they had a point? “Lmao, what’s up with her nose?” Your fingers scrape your nose. You never noticed anything. But as you look in the mirror, you could swear it had changed. Comment after comment drains you. Your soul plummets to the ground in defeat. The deep breaths don’t do anything anymore. Your mouth is shut as you stare at the world you once lived in. You feel like a bystander. You’re not good enough to live in this world. You couldn’t take it. You grab a razor, and before you know it, a nasty red scrape appears on your hand. “Just a scrape,” you tell everyone with a smile on your face. They don’t care. They never did.
And then on what seemed like a regular day, you walk across the bridge. The sound of water seems to calm you to the point where you can’t help but look over the ledge. Your eyes get lost in the water, flowing freely, no care in the world, and suddenly you yearn for what it has. You hear a group of boys laughing behind you. You look back for a split second, annoyed at their interruptance. And once they pass, you finally make your decision. You carefully plant your feet on the ledge, carefully holding on as to not fall. Not yet. Not until it’s time. But nobody notices. You should’ve expected that. The breathing seems to work this time as all fears melt away. You start to lean forwards, and before you know it, you’re falling. You’re dead by the time you hit the water, but everyone hears the splash. Everyone finally runs over. Worried.
Cyberbullying kills. It attacks old wounds and creates new ones until suddenly you can’t handle it. And next thing you know, you’re overwhelmed. It costs nothing to say something nice and to raise one’s spirits. There are consequences to your actions. Consequences your victims will never be able to come back from. Save your bullying for AI, not the humans. Cyberbullying must stop before it claims more lives.
